Independence Day.

My thoughts are lost today,

wandering in the the world of the past

And in the world that’s around unseen

and the world of what might have been.

I visited ladies who are friends in my dreams-

Ladies who wear galoshes in the rain and have lace edged blouses and velvet skirts, and characters of steel and hearts of gold;

who speak in soft silvery tones; and whose rooms are full of prettys-- bronze swans and cut glass lamps, and mourning pins made of ebony, wedding tiaras, and crowns in feather pillows, and tapestries of all colors and tiny vases of lily of the valley mixed with large vases of peonies.

I took a nap on a soft bed, surrounded by shawls and lovely Irish lace throws and Japonesque pieces arranged on a dresser so old that the polish had become one with the wood, and combed my hair with an Ivory comb when I awoke.

I looked, as it were, into the beautiful eyes of my second cousin; the one I’ve loved all my life and never gotten to know; and felt that loss- the death of my father- in one more place in my heart. I wondered how not knowing one another had affected our lives and thought… that all is well. Surely another lifetime will bychance us. Maybe there is a heaven.

I stood on a yellow painted wooden porch, and watch 6 fat ducks march past me, headed for the pond in the rain, and then heard my husband’s voice saying, “Dinner is ready…. do you want some?” and I found I did. So I roused myself back to today with the decision made to start a shop, selling lovely wares and recalling my lady friends. But then on second thought, it might be

better just to write it all down and enjoy the happiness of my trip abroad.

And maybe let my cousin know that I was thinking of him today. There’s still time while we’re here, as far as we know.

Ryker, Figgy and Zao

Ryker and Figgy get along very well... as long as Ryker stays somewhat in line! Today, Ryker chased Figgy into the laundry room, and as I was separating them, I looked up~and there on the bulletin board was Zao's pic, looking at me so stoically! I said, "What do you think about all this!" and thought I heard him say, "Whadda ya gonna do?" LOL He probably would have offed Ryker... and he did treat Figgy the same way Ryker does. With a degree of respect not awarded other male dogs!

Well~ this is going to be harder than I thought!

We adopted an Alaskan Malamute named Ryker from Northern Lights Sled Dog Rescue, this weekend. He is just delightful! And gorgeous, (red and white) I might add! I saw his picture and video on Petfinder before they even got the profile up, and applied quickly. And we got him! (the process to rescue a whole 'nother story... later.)
Ryker has obviously been in a home. He's housebroken, gets along with our cat Figgy, (as well as Figgy will allow,) and has a sweet, sweet temperament. I knew when I adopted Ryker that he has his own place in my life, and is his own doggy self... but tonight, I went to the front glass door, which we installed for Zao, and I was petting him and loving on him and suddenly I said, " do you know there was a big big dog who used to lie right where you are, and his name was Zao?" And I burst into tears.
I do already love Ryker for himself! He's a doll! He looks sort of like a Snickerdoodle, has a long drippy tongue, and he's sleeping at my feet right now.

But still, I miss Biggy Bud.

Free as a bird... in so many ways!

I drove again today for the first time in months. It was wonderful! I tend to be a homebody, so the "no driving restriction" wasn't as terrible as it could have been for some, (for instance my husband, who might have gone mad!) But autonomy is a marvelous thing!

I heard today that I have been replaced in my job. I wonder what I will do next... something fun I hope! There was a bit of concern about how I'd feel after "retiring," but I know I made the best decision. I'm so looking forward to "staying in" this winter, during ice and snow storms! I was much more worn out with that position, and the drive it entailed, than I realized.

We found a dog we may adopt, his name is Ryker. It should happen next week if all goes well, and if he's not the one, we'll proceed along.

It's all good!

Except that I wish our Biggy Bud was still with us...however, I'm thankful for the time we had together. ((**)) to you, Zaybeeozer~wherever you are!

Time for a change.

So many things have changed in my life in the last year...
My mother in law died of complications from Alzheimers.
My stepdad died of old age. (88)
My sister died at 68 of... well, I'm not sure~ multiple factors.
:({{
Zao died at 10 from diabetes and kidney failure.
:{{{{
And then, I was hospitalized with Grand Mal Seizures. Which caused my BP to drop to 68/42... my kidneys failed, and now I have many specialists, Neurologists and Nephrologists among them. I could have died but I didn't, but my ability to drive my car was taken away.
Because of this, I resigned from my job as Children's Director for CBS, a job I've had for 5 years.

Well, whoever knows what will happen? Autumn is my favorite season by far~ and truly, last year could have been my last autumn. And I felt so young, then! I wonder if this will be the last autumn for me.

I'm looking forward to a quiet winter of reflection, with no icy 5:30 a.m. drives, and spending time discerning what is next.
I really, really, miss my Biggy Bud,~ how CAN I replace SUCH a cosmic guy?
And Betty..... sis where are you???????? I need your wisdom! And if not that, your temper! lol

I GUESS THIS IS LIFE, TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT AS YOU GO.
It'a time for a real change for me, a change which will hold me in place for the future. No matter what. Cause "what" is on it's way.

((**))

PAULA

Can you ever relax?