Fear and Arrogance

In the movie Bull Durham, Kevin Costner plays Crash Davis, a baseball catcher in the minor leagues who is coaching an up and coming pitcher, Nuke La Louche. Bull Durham is one of my favorite movies ever. It is just so much fun! And more than that, it is a study of how people grow and evolve.

At one point, Crash tells Nuke, "You have to play this game with fear and arrogance."

Something happened it my life this week which brought that to mind.

We are experiencing some extreme weather around here. This morning it is MINUS 13 degrees. Now that is cold!

On Wednesday, Rich was in Goshen, Indiana on a business call. I was here at home, alone with Zao and Fig Dig. Zao is getting older and he has always had a very weak foreleg, which is now arthritic. He is F.A.T. and weighs 170 ponds. In a way he is like a horse trying to walk around on that leg. I am positive this issue will shorten his life. It's vicious cycle. He can't walk so he gains weight, which makes it harder for him to walk.

That morning, he woke up and could hardly get around. In order to get to our backyard, he has to go down a flight of stairs, which were icy. He would not, or could not, do it! 

I was freaking out because I can't get him into the car to go to the vet, if he can't jump up. I was also unwilling to drive in the ice with snow coming down, enough that I didn't go to a weekly meeting which is part of my job! 

I called our son at 7:30 a.m. and asked for help with Zao and he was "unhelpful," to say the least. (Well, it WAS a bit early in HIS version of life.) (However he DID acquire Zao while we were in Florida and later "gave" him to us when he moved out!)

I wanted Rich to be home to handle the D.O.G.- however, Goshen is two and a half hours on a good day, and between the two cities was a MAJOR lake effect snowstorm. 

So there I was, a mass of  little anxieties and fears. On the other hand, Ricardo doesn't tend to change his mind. He despises worry. (Oh dear!) Once he has decided, that is what he's going to do. I benefit from that in many ways, but it frustrates me. I consider it arrogance to say, "I am gonna drive through this snowstorm because and I planned on it, I am a GREAT driver."

Which, he is... On the other hand, what about all the crashes that happen on highways during storms? What about all the "Paulas" on the road who didn't grow up driving in snow and could crash right into him? 

Most of my irritation stemmed from fear. After I hung up I was fretting about it all. I remembered Crash's statement, "You have to play this game with fear and arrogance," and realized in a new way what a challenge he was handing Nuke. Fear and arrogance don't really go together. They are somewhat opposing traits. Most people have tendencies to one or the other. Opposites attract and we spend our lives learning the opposing point of view. To play the game of baseball, (or life) really well requires the full spectrum of experience. What Rich and I learn from our relationship translates to a fuller understanding in many arenas. It is part of why we are together.

That's not the first life lesson I have learned from Bull Durham, just the latest. 

P.S. Now I have written an entry that I would like to keep. Better back it up!!!!